The Upstairs House by Julia Fine

Author:Julia Fine [Fine, Julia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harper
Published: 2020-12-26T00:00:00+00:00

13

Ben had to go back to Houston—this time just for a few days. He was going to miss Clara’s one-month birthday, but would be home for Thanksgiving.

“I’d rather you be here for her birthday,” I said. “I don’t even care about Thanksgiving.” For the past two years we’d flown out to Ben’s brother’s place in Utah for a week—Linda and Seth, too—a whole Weiler reunion with awkward small talk and too much wine and attempts at flag football that went nowhere. We’d suggested that this year we have Thanksgiving in Chicago, given that we’d have a newborn baby and were in no shape to fly, but Linda had balked. That was not how things were done. We could stay at home, but she and Seth absolutely must fly to Utah. She hosted Hanukkah. She hosted the High Holidays. She did not host Passover, and she did not host Thanksgiving. Ben was clearly disappointed about how it all played out—he wasn’t used to hearing no from his mother—but he agreed it made no sense to fly with Clara.

“It’s not a birthday every time she turns a month,” he said now.

“You know what I mean.”

He nodded and acted contrite. Clara was lying on the bed next to his suitcase while he packed, her special tummy-time mat with its raised pillow puffing up atop the comforter. Her forehead still loose and wrinkly, like elephant skin. When would she grow into her body? Ben tickled her stomach after folding his socks.

I was in the master bathroom, cleaning the infant tub insert that fit into the sink. My hands kept slipping: white vinegar pooling on the counters, weeping down onto the floor. I spilled or tripped or crashed a lot lately—from the elbow down, my arms would start to tingle the way they once had if I drank too much caffeine. The message-board mothers blamed hormones for the clumsiness, and for the night sweats, and for the difficult digestion. It gave me a sense I was no longer in control of my own body. I supposed this was appropriate, as my breasts were Clara’s alarm clock, the crook of my neck was her pillow, and my hair was only there for her to gnaw on, as a place for her to spit. I’d wake up some mornings—a relative term—and my full left side would be numb, and I’d wonder if she’d finally sucked me dry, if this was it for me.

“You should exercise,” said Annie when I told her about the feeling. She was calling to check in, since Ben was gone. After seven voice mails, I’d finally decided it was easiest to just pick up the phone.

“It doesn’t happen when I’m holding the baby,” I clarified. “Just when my arms are free. Maybe I pinched a nerve carrying the car seat.”

In the kitchen, Michael jostled the icemaker. For the past week she’d only been around the house when Ben wasn’t, and now that he’d left for Houston, she was making herself comfortable. She liked

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.